Fear. One thing I have not expected about the summer.. with the exception of actually flying there. I have been preparing spiritually, mentally, and emotionally since I got back last summer. One feeling I have did not think would show up was fear. Not a fear for my life or that I will be in any physical danger, but rather, a fear of inadequacy.
I have been asked by Randy to prepare a number of talks to do, which normally is not a big deal for me, except now. I am terrified that I will say something incorrect or present an idea in a way that does not make sense to the people there. I am terrified that something will go wrong and I will not present what God wants me to.
I simply have ideas. Ideas that I do not have a clue how to go about presenting them. I am struggling to see - actually, I do not see how I am at all qualified to teach the word of God to more knowledgeable and experienced people than myself.
People have often asked me "Why are you going?" My answer is simply to spread the love of my Savior across the world. But, how do I go about doing that? Why me? What credentials do I have?
The unknowns are so great and I have no idea, none whatsoever, about how they will be fulfilled. I know that this is a part of my trip - finding the unknowns, seeing God work in ways that I never thought possible. And, I guess this is just a part of the process.
God is showing me how weak and inadequate I am so that when He shows me answers and speaks through me, I will have another way to see just how strong He is.
2 comments:
Have you read my post on adequacy in God? You should!
kev, from one summer missionary to another, you have to trust. you never know what God will give you. trust Him.
so excited to read about your summer!
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