Dearest Aunt Elaine.

Movement. I cannot imagine life without movement. I sit; I stand at Aunt Elaine's visitation. I move around. I pace in wonderment. My mind wanders from conversation to conversation; memory to memory. She lies motionless. No thoughts. No breathing. Her hands stay in the same spot. Her face with the same expression. I cannot comprehend this motionless life.

I smile at wonderful memories. I cry because I miss her. She lies motionless. No thoughts. No breathing. No emotions. Her hands in the same spot. Her face with the same expression. I cannot comprehend this motionless life.

I grow. I change. I get bigger. I get smarter. She lies motionless. No thoughts. No breathing. No emotions. No change. Her hands stay in the same spot. Her face with the same expression. I cannot comprehend this motionless life.

Life was meant to move. To think. To breathe. To have emotion. To change, good and bad. Forward and backward. Up and down.

The lack of motion explains life. The lack of motion explains the hardships. Because without those times, there would be nothing. No motion. No thoughts. No breathing. No emotions. No change.

Life is based off of comparison and contrast. Motion. We need motion to know lack of motion. We need life to know lack of life.

How do we know if we are truly alive in Christ? Motion. We will have good times. We will struggle. There will be times of great joy. Times of great sorrow. This contrast tells us we are alive in Him. He is there. He is there when we succeed. He is there when we fall. Only when we realize the life needs motion will we be completely incomplete.

Movement. I can imagine this life without movement. I sit; I stand at Aunt Elaine's visitation. I move around. I pace in wonderment. My mind wanders from conversation to conversation; memory to memory. I lie motionless. No thoughts. No breathing. My hands stay in the same spot. My face with the same expression. I can comprehend this motionless life.

Aunt Elaine. I write this for you. And you alone. I miss your sweet spirit. I miss your beautiful smile. I kept looking over at you expecting you to move. The environment was one you thrive in. I kept expecting to turn around and you be standing there. Dancing. Singing. Talking. I just wanted to see you one last time. Thriving. Not motionless. Aunt Elaine, I miss the baseball games, football games, and different experiences. You have touched so many more people than just myself. I know you are watching over me in Heaven. I know you and your sweet, loving self are rejoicing and you are pain free. Thank you for all the ways you have kept my life full of movement. Aunt Elaine, I love you and miss you terribly!

Crushed

Everyone has heard the saying, "when it rains, it pours." My friends, I cannot tell you how very true this is. During these times, you get little nuggets of goodness. Then, all hell breaks loose and the rain comes crashing back in on top of you. There is nothing you can do. You sit there helpless. Like a duck or dear about to be shot. It has to be one of the worst feelings possible. To see the light at the end of the tunnel, then have it collapse away like it was never there. You are in the dark. No where to go. Nothing to do. Trapped in the dark sea. Cornered like a rabbit. What to do? Run? Where would you run? Hide? Hiding is to lonely. WHAT DO YOU DO? Call on the Lord? That is the answer I know to be true. But why doesn't He answer? Why can I not know where to look? or what to do? WHAT DO I DO? WHERE DO I GO? No one is there! No one is searching! There is no one to help! Where is the One who has been there the rest of the time? Why did He go away? Why will He not help me? My friends when it rains it pours.

just an update

So it has been a while since I have been able to make a post. Life around Gardner-Webb is going quite well. I have been VERY busy between studying, working, class, and having some what of a social life. I have been introduced to a new and very fun game called ladder golf. Ladder golf consists of a PVC ladder about 3 feet tall with a base about 3 feet long. The object of the game is to throw two rubber balls joined by a string and get them to wrap around one of the three rungs on the ladder. It has been a TON of fun to play with some of my hall mates.

My FOCUS group is quite awesome. I love hanging out with them. They are not quite family yet but I am sure it will eventually turn out that way. Along with my FOCUS group, I have joined a group of about 10 guys that meet every Monday night for a small group. These guys are all from my hall and it seems pretty open which I like a lot. We have had a bunch of good discussion lately and I love the fact that I have a couple of guys that I can open up to.

I started my work study last week which has to be the best job I have ever had, at least so far. I am an intramural referee. So far it has just been volleyball which is SUPER easy, but next week I start with flag football. I will also be doing basketball and softball in the spring along with soccer I believe. So I am pretty excited about that.

School has been going well. I had my first essay due on Monday which I am pretty excited about getting back. After my professor read my rough draft, she offered me an application to attend a writing workshop by Thomas Payne. I will have to apply to get one of the spots but it would be pretty neat to go meet and learn from an internationally renown writer.

This weekend I am heading up to Chapel Hill to see Grace and Jenny and hang out with them for the weekend which I am super excited about. I am going to the Virginia Tech v. UNC game on Saturday which makes me really happy. Other than that I am just hanging out doing really well.

Listen

SO, how many times have you been a part of something HUGE. Something that a lot of people came to? For example, a professional sporting event. We often sit there and watch in amazement at how much better other people are at playing games than we are. We sit in amazement because we are in the same building as these men and women who make millions of dollars for playing a game.

One example I have is the summer of 2008. My buddy Ryan and I drove up to Cooperstown, New York in one night. It was July 29th to be exact. We had made arrangements to drive up there to watch Cal Ripken Jr., our favorite baseball player, get inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame. We got up there and there were 66,000 people that had all crammed into the tiny town of Cooperstown. There were record setting number there. The most people ever to go to an induction ceremony, and also the most returning Hall of Famers came back. Being a baseball fanatic, I got chill bumps when I heard the name of these guys just because I was in the presence of them.

This past weekend I got to go on a retreat and while we were singing some songs I found myself just listening and getting the same chill bumps I got when I was in the presence of those baseball players. I was amazed that I could get that chill bump feeling with out singing. I thought what is up with that? The more I thought about it the more I came up with an answer, or somewhat of an answer.

When I was standing there in awe of listening to people sing praise to our God, I looked around and saw 150 college students passionately in love with the one and only Savior. By not singing, I had created my own spectator position. As I watched, God's indescribable love completely humbled me, much like watching in awe of those professional athletes. I was completely and totally humbled to know that the Creator of the Universe has taken the time to invest in my life.

I know it is a simple statement, but is it not AMAZING to think about that. No matter where we are, God has invested time into putting us there and getting us there mentally, physically, and spiritually. So, next time you're in a worship service try just listening to everyone else sing see if it humbles you the same way it did me. I think you will be surprised at how you feel afterward.

For such a time as this

I recently went on a mission trip to Romania. A group of 9 recent high school graduates from my Sunday School class went. I cannot tell you enough how much God blessed me through that trip. He humbled me, taught me, and even called me. I loved it there. I did not want to come home. However, I had to due to the whole school situation. So I talked to the missionary there about possibly interning next summer. There may be a possible opportunity for me to serve there next summer for two months!

Anyways, we got back around midnight on a Sunday night, and due to the jet-lag I was not conscious until about Wednesday, which is interesting. Wednesday night I went to youth and one of the youth leaders was talking about Esther. I had not really learned or, to be more specific, cared about the book of Esther. Needless to say my favorite book of the Bible is now Esther.

Esther was in a weird position. She was a Jew, unknown to the king, and married to him. At this point in time the king was disgusted with the Jews due to a recent event that took place. He ordered that all the Jews in his province be killed. See the problem? Yeah, the king was going to annihilate her entire family and people. Her father figure, Mordecai, asked Esther to go into the kings inner courts to talk with the king about his decision. Now, that does not seem like a huge deal; however, at that time if anyone was to enter into the kings court with out permission he or she was to be killed. Esther did just that. She went into the kings court and asked the king if he would go to a banquet (lunch). He agreed and went to lunch with Esther and Haman. And to make a long story short, the king agrees to stop killing off the Jews.

The point at which this verse, Esther 4:14, comes is crucial. She was called to do something - save the Jews. However, if she did not act when she did, the relief would have come just not through her and at that time. This shows me a perfect example of being a servant. Even though the task endangered her life, she followed through with what the Lord said to do.

I think of it like this, we often see people pulled off to the side of the road with car problems. We have the choice to stop and help, even though it will be taken care of eventually. See, to me, this passage is not about the Jews and what happened to them and their relief. This passage is about serving the Lord when he calls you. We have so many opportunities to serve on a daily basis and most of the time we pass them up because we are afraid of what will happen to us. Why not help out for just such a time as this?