Tuesday, May 18, 2010


There have been many observations I have had over the last few weeks. I have been to new places, nice ones... and not so nice ones. I  have taken new stuff and I just would like to share with you a few of these observations. Most of these, I find quite funny and think that, partly at my expense, you will find them funny as well.

Many of you know that I dislocated my shoulder about a month ago. That was one heck of an experience. I wish I had a video of it because it was a pretty spectacular collision. I think I would feel better if I actually had a video of it. Anyway, I had to go to the hospital to get it put back in. I have never been to the emergency room and I have never ridden in an ambulance.

First observation. For vehicles that transport hurt people, either add shocks to the vehicle... or take speed bumps slower. I got in there and they strapped me down like I had broken every bone in my body, proceeded to cut off my shirt to assess the damage and then the driver decided to drive mach 10 to the hospital completely ignoring the 4 speed bumps that you have to go over to get out of the school. I think the simple solution is to just take speed bumps slower.. that's their purpose.

Second observation. Once at the hospital, despite the pain I was in because of my shoulder and the ride, I wanted to have fun. So I decided to try and make some jokes. Hospital people have zero sense of humor when they are on the job. I tried to make a couple of jokes about the pain level like Brian Regan does and I also tried to make jokes about the drugs I was being given. My friends who were standing there laughed... but the nurses did not. In fact, they looked at me with crazy faces. Maybe jokes are not politically correct to make in the emergency room?

Third Observation. Medicine bottles. You know, those ones that you have to push down and turn to open. I was a very lucky man and got some vicodin for my shoulder after I got out of the hospital. Only problem was that stupid bottle. I could not get into that thing with out having to hurt my shoulder even more. I had to go through more pain to get to the pain relievers. I know they are supposed to be child proof... but we all know that they are not child proof at all - just people who have injured arms proof. There were numerous occasions that I had to ask someone to open my pain meds. That was pretty humbling.

Fourth Observation. Tying shoes is not possible when one of your arms is completely immobile - at least I never figured it out. So, I had a jogging class that I obviously could not do.. but I had to be there anyway. One morning I woke up to go to my jogging class and slid my shoes on only to realize that I now had a T-rex arm and was attempting to lift my leg up to tie my shoe. Please picture that in your head, it will make you laugh. After about 2 minutes of trying I just gave up and decided to walk to class. One of the guys on my hall said, "dude you know your shoes are untied?" to which I responded, "yes." He then proceeded to ask me if I would like for him to tie my shoes. I accepted. That right there is also humbling. I went and bought shoes without laces later that day.

Final observation. I was at a job interview yesterday. As I was sitting in this room waiting to be interviewed, I noticed this color coded map on the wall of all of their different regions. Typical regions, the west, the central, the south west, southeast, mid west, northeast. Pretty typical regions. But the more I studied this map the more I noticed that they got the southeast region, the northeast, and the west regions correct. Bravo. However, they messed up a bit on the mid west. They put Ohio, Indiana, Pennsylvania, and part of New York in that region. Folks, ALL of those states are EAST of the Mississippi. But I will give them credit, the nailed the central region. It extended from Missouri to Minnesota and then over to Idaho and Utah. Here's a picture for you:
Does this mean that the United States now has a Middle East? Maybe that's not politically correct. Sorry! Anyway, I don't think I want to work for a company that does not know the geography of the country that they live in.

Tha tha that's all folks!

1 comment:

Katie said...

According to that map, what region does my state belong to? I'm goin' with Canada... Thanks a lot, Vector.

This was a great post, Kevin, I literally lol-ed. When I was 8 I only had the use of one hand. It was summer so shoes weren't important, and I was 8 so my parents managed my meds. However, I understand there some things that just require two hands. Washing one hand is easy; trying to dry one hand is pretty much impossible, and we both know how often I wash my hands. :-)

I hope your summer is off to a good start.

<>< Katie