Im walking on water.

To all of those who have been getting on my case about not writing a blog, here it goes. It probably wont make too much sense but oh well. At least its a blog.

Over the last 4 months, since September, my mind has not been able to complete thoughts, I haven't been able to think of things on my own. As most of you know September 24th, my aunt passed away. And that marked one of the beginning of some of the most difficult months I have yet to experience.

Again, as most of you know, I am generally a very independent person, I enjoy doing things on my own. I deal with things and issues on my own for the most part and not because no one is there but by choice. I enjoy being alone when thinking and dealing with difficult issues.

Over the last few months, I have been distracted, unfocused, careless, and most important self dependent, which is not a good thing.

In October my car broke down on a trip back to school and it cost me my entire months pay check. I was left with the $17.50 I had put in my savings account. So after that month was up I was impressed by myself that I had made it an entire month on $17.50.

In November, just two days before Thanksgiving, and only an hour after I had made it back to Thomasville from school, I received a phone call from my mom saying that my Dad was in the emergency room. She would not tell me why but I later found out at the hospital that he had his second heart attack. And this only furthered my reason for my biggest fear; that something would happen to my Dad and my family would not have any income or food or basic necessities.

This break in blogging has happened for a reason. I have become to wrapped up in myself. I have become a braggart about how I make it through the situations I have had to endure.

I was listening to a podcast by Andy Stanley and he was talking about the disciples feeding the five thousand and then Peter walking on the water. And as he was talking he brought up points about how the disciples did only what they knew how to do. Depending on the Lord to do the rest. The disciples had 12 loaves of bread and they turned and did what the Lord said depending on Him to do the rest. Then, when Peter got out of the boat he did what he knew how to do. He could get out of a boat and walk. So he did. Depending on the Lord to do the rest.

Since I am an independent person it is very difficult for me to depend on Him and do what I know how to do. I want to go do it by myself and learn how to do it. But this is the point. My dependence is my greatest independence. When someone puts their complete dependence in something they can do almost anything they want. But, when someone puts their complete dependence in the Lord their options, knowledge, and advances are limitless. It is possible to feed the five thousand. It is possible to walk on water. Dependence on the Lord is the greatest independence because it allows us to grow above and beyond what we, as humans, can possibly imagine.